Goats, gripes, and grasping for greatness

While poking around at IMDB, I came across a notation that there is going to be yet another version of The Three Musketeers. Milla Jovovich is certainly making a career of it now...

Quote:
Melbourne, May 25 – Actor Orlando Bloom has been signed on to star in the 3D version of ‘The Three Musketeers’.

Bloom will play the Duke of Buckingham in the upcoming 3D venture while British comedian James Corden, of Gavin and Stacey fame, will portray the servant Planchet, reports Variety.

Previously announced cast for Musketeers includes Christoph Waltz as Cardinal Richelieu; Logan Lerman as D’Artagnan; Matthew MacFadyen, Ray Stevenson and Luke Evans as the musketeers Athos, Porthos and Aramis, respectively; Milla Jovovich as M’lady De Winter; and Mads Mikkelsen as Rochefort, reports the Daily Telegraph.

My sister-in-law had shirts and hats made for me for Christmas. They are cute, and very nice quality, but they aren't the right logo. However, due to their very existence, I'm considering splurging on shirts that use Sybel's headshot. And, if I were to do so, would I go for a shirt with just a tiny front logo, or one that anyone would know was me from the back, too? I ponder. ( Collapse )

If I want to translate the meaning as well as the content of the phrase "No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!" into Spanish, what do I say?

So far, I've been handed (and yes, I do know where to put the accent marks)
Nadie cuenta con el inquisicion Espanol, which to me reads "counts on" and is grammatically incorrect for reversed gender
Nadie espera que la inquisicion espanola, which to me reads "hopes for/that" and is grammatically incorrect because it is not a full sentence (hopes that the Inquisition does what?)

... help?

ETA: according to You Tube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mzfyVluiIU), it's Nadie espera encontrarse a la inquisicion espanola.