I so thank you all for your support.
I must confess I feel abandoned and quite desolate. My baby – my firstborn- my original joy - is gone. The loss of the soul that laughed so beautifully and made me happy at the most unexpected moments. Her unfulfilled life haunts me and pain rages in my heart. I think of you, your children and those that touch your life; and
what they have done
what they may do
what heartaches they cause
what their stance on abortion
what their belief in divorce
what religion they may follow at the moment
what outfit they think is fabulous – and isn’t
what person they dated to your dismay
what evening they forget to kiss you goodnight.
And the anger you harbor towards:
the person that broke their heart
that did not ask them to an event
that destroyed their self-esteem
that cheated on them with a best friend
the friend that took them for granted …. and continued to do so
the coworkers that demeaned them
the people that called them horrific names because they were jealous…….
My heart aches and hopes they now feel a sense of guilt - and for that thought I am not apologetic – though I know I should be - and perhaps, with time, forgiveness will come.
I chose not to remember unpleasant things about my baby. I can only think of a beautiful redheaded child. Fair of face, deeply loving and gracious of heart – perhaps unable to share as readily as most, but one that felt so very deeply that remembering her remarks brings my heart to the brink of stopping.
Her wonderful laugh
Her wry sense of humor
Her joyful, loving hug
Her need to be perfect, especially in her work
Her compulsively clean house, always
Mindful of family occasions and celebrations
Remembering all others special days …. When all too often they forgot hers
Her touch and embrace in the most emotional, loving manner
Her concern for her family’s happiness and those around her
Her life, now too quickly gone, but most special to me.
Treasure your children, your spouse, your partner, your family. Accept and appreciate their love and share now what you might put off. Later is too far down the road and, as I know, often never comes.